Surprising, isn't it. Yes, I and Vaishali indeed got married to each other 4 times. This is how it happened in brief (the detailed version is even more adventurous, exciting, breathtaking and equally painful but can be best told in person J ) . Nowadays we see lots of marriages happening among people chatting on internet .... those days .... an internet marriage was unheard of. We may be one of the very first couples to have got married after having courtship on internet .... and may be the only couple that got married 4 times to each other and are still going strong ;-)

Our love bloomed over internet .... an era when internet itself was very new, internet chatting  was not so common, cyber-cafe didn't exist, and internet was mostly available at colleges and large corporations only. Year 1996 .... September was when I came to US. After 2 months, while surfing on the internet  I stumbled upon the internet chat area called PCP (Pune Chat Page). A common chat area where students and working professionals (mostly maharashtrians or those who could speak marathi - our mother tongue) logged on from different parts of the country (and world) and chatted.It was like a huge virtual family. I met Vaishu there sometime in Jan 1997. She was studying in Toronto those days. And I was working on the opposite side of the continent ... in Portland, Oregon.

Thousands of miles apart, we virtually met on internet. Gradually short chats became long looong chatting hrs ... and then transformed into emails .... and then graduated to phone calls ... slowly knowing each other's likes and dislikes. I liked her for what she was, her sincerity and simple self and made friendship with her. Given her jovial personality , naughty nature, and the way she expressed herself, her laughs, her voice ..... very soon I realized I'm falling in love with her - as something deep inside was telling me that she is the girl I can always be happy living my entire life with . In fact, a time came when I proposed her over the phone. Believe it or not, at the time when I proposed her I hadn't seen her pictures. Told her, she does not have to respond to me right away and can wait until she meets me. She was shocked over my proposal (and even might have thought I've gone nuts) .... as who would in his right mind propose to someone he has never met, never seen her pictures and has hardly been knowing her for 1 month. But that was me. There comes a time in life when something deep inside your heart .... something that is defies any logic .... overrides all the 5 physical senses .... and makes  you do something that just does not make sense to a 3^rd person but something you just cannot ignore.

Finally her photos arrived, and I realized how true my instincts were. She was very beautiful. After 2 months, I flew to Toronto and met her in the college. I found her even more beautiful and cute than her picture. She was very shy, and I was also sweating. I met her, spent some time with her in college cafeteria, flew back to Portland the same day, gave her a couple days to think and then called her.

Yes, it was positive from her side. We decided to get our parents approval for our marriage. And thats when the issues started surfacing. Due to the difference in our cast, there was hesitation from both our parents side. I tried my best to convince my parents and her parents but was of no use. They were firm about it. I tried meeting Vaishali’s Dad on one of the weekend when Vaishu, her mother and sister had gone to Montreal. But he refused to see me. I was standing just outside knocking the door for half an hour, then calling from a public phone from outside for another hour. Finally gave up, left a note under his door and in his mailbox saying I’m going to Australia and that I would be coming to India in Diwali and would come over to see him that time. The idea behind the Australia plan was I didn’t wanted him to think that this guy knows where he is living and should not create further problems. But it was of no use as later on I learned that Vaishu and her family  was moving back to India. I had to do something to make sure they do not get her married to someone else - as her family knew that we would like to get married. Few days before they went to India, I flew to Toronto and got married to her in church.  Her college friends served as witnesses. Needless to say it all involved a lot of work from my side as according to American/Canadian marriage rules I had to get a marriage license before from the church I intended to get married and later on had to make sure that I get married within 6 months otherwise the license had to be reapplied for. But fortunately I got lucky as long as getting dates were concerned. We got married just few days before Vaishu and her parents flew to India for good.

THIS  WAS  HOW  WE  GOT  MARRIED  FIRST  TIME.

Now having armed myself with a backup marriage, I was fully prepared to take the challenge further. And I didn’t had to wait long.

My   project in Charlotte (North Carolina) got over within a month and my next assignment (in Minneapolis) was to start after 3 weeks. So I flew to India right away to take care of the most important assignment of my life. All along I was in touch with Vaishu thru a common friend of ours (Chaya from Bangalore) who used to call her on my behalf and pass on any messages.

The plan was me going to her house and formally asking her dad to get her married to me. But I very well knew it was a mission impossible. And I had just one shot at doing it right. Once I show up on their door, it was going to get further difficult to do anything. The worst case scenario was both of our parents not agreeing to the marriage (well they were already against it). In that case in order to bring her back to US at a very short notice, it was important to get a dependent visa which required marriage certificate. Since my marriage license (from Toronto) hadn’t arrived yet, we decided to get married in Pune (my hometown … about 4-5 hrs drive from her hometown Kalyan – near Mumbai) .

On the appointed day, I and our family friend (Bhawalkar Sir) arranged for the marriage at his house. We called the priest, got all the legal papers ready and waited for Vaishu to arrive. Unfortunately due to some pressing reason she could not come. The message was relayed to us thru Chaya. Without losing patience we rescheduled the marriage following week (not to mention that the priest was not very happy about this and still took his full fees). Cudos to Bhawalkar Sir for handling him.

The next week again we did all the preparation and waited for her. This time she made it. She told her parents that she will be back in the evening, rented a jeep, stuffed half a dozen of her friends in it and drove 5 hrs to Pune ….. got married in about 1 hr … posed for the marriage pictures .. signed on the legal papers and they all went back to Mumbai. Hussshhhhhh ….

AND THIS IS HOW WE GOT MARRIED THE 2^ND TIME

Now I was ready for the next milestone. Next day the marriage papers were filed in the marriage bureau. Due to the efforts of Bhawalkar Sir, we got the marriage certificate within a week.

Next day was Sunday. Got up early morning, took the marriage certificate, pictures and a voice activated pocket recorder with me and told my parents I was going for a friend’s wedding and will be back late night. Then I and my close friend (Prithvi) got into a cab and went to Vaishali’s house.

The earlier day I had relayed a message to Vaishu (thru Chaya) to wait for us at a friend’s place (who stayed a couple blocks away from her place) with her passport. We went there and met her and were deciding if I should show the marriage certificates and pictures or if that will make the case more difficult. Just then there was a knock on the door, and guess who walked in … Vaishu’s mom. Yes, it was she, asking where Vaishu was. Fortunately we were in the bedroom, and we stayed there holding our breath until she was gone. Vaishu’s friend had told her that Vaishu had gone back to her house. (Thank God She had already hid our shoes before opening the door.) . Confused, her mom went back.

We resumed our planning and decided not to show the marriage certificate and pictures to her dad. Vaishu and her friends would be waiting at the Kalyan railway station, where I would meet them in an hour. And we started off.

This was a historical moment. I asked Prithvi to stand outside Vaishu’s house . If I do not come out in 20 minutes, go to the nearest police station and ask them to get me out from here. I had to do this ‘cause I didn’t know what to expect once I go in. When I show them the marriage pics, what if they beat the hell out of me and dump me somewhere …. well its India and you have no idea how (and where) unsuccessful love stories end up. I knew Vaishu’s uncle had good contacts and could easily make me disappear. So I better be on my guard and make sure I get out of there unscratched with Vaishu. Boy talk about the height of optimism J

I switched on the voice activated recorder in my shirt pocket, took a deep breath and knocked. Her mother opened the door. When I told her my name, she knew this poor guy is in big trouble. I was invited inside. Vaishu’s dad and brother were seated. I was given water to drink. I introduced myself, and stated the purpose of my visit. And also reminded him that I had tried to meet him in Toronto. He almost immediately said, “No its not going to be possible”. I asked him the reason and he repeated himself. He said, “Lets finish this whole thing right here and do not ever think about it. This is not going to happen”. And suddenly he stood up and started walking outside … kind of indirectly telling me – “Alright you dumb ass. Now start walking. Get out of my sight before I kick you right in the middle of your ……”

I followed him outside, where I saw from the corner of my eyes, Prithvi trying to hide from us. Not willing to surrender so early (No sir, I was not willing to go down without a fight), I asked “So is this your final decision” . He said “Yes. My parents will not agree to it as the sub-caste is different” . I shot back point blank “Well sir, if it was my daughter I would not let my parents decide whom she should marry. Accordingly, she is your daughter and that’s why I’ve come to see you. Otherwise I would have gone to her grand parents. Tell me, is the caste the only reason for your denial”. He said “May be yes. And whatever it is, this marriage cannot happen” ……… by this time I saw Vaishu’s brother (Kailash) walking towards Vaishu’s friend’s building. It was a sign of danger. Maybe her mother got suspicious and sent Kailash to get her and find out where she is.

It was time for my closing speech and to disappear from that place as soon as I can before they find out she is missing. Prithvi too must be getting restless outside. I said, “If caste is your problem then I would be willing to change my caste to yours”. To which he didn’t seem to be very interested. Then I asked him if he was very sure that this marriage cannot happen and is he not willing to even think about it. He said absolutely – no way this was going to be possible. I asked him again, and he said the same.

I bid him good bye, and wished him all the best. I & Prithvi got a cab and went to Kalyan Station. By this time Kailash would have know that Vaishu is missing. I told Vaishu real quick what happened. She was in tears. I told her it’s the most important decision of her lifetime that she has to make then and there – whether she wants to come with me to Pune now, or go back to her home. The difference was – if she comes with me, there will be some difficulties in coming years, but eventually I would take care of everything and make sure things are back to normal and everyone is happy. But if she goes back home, this is the last time she will ever see me again. She go her way, I go my way. We will forget the whole thing, and will never tell anyone that we had got married. End of story.

Vaishu was in a big dilemma. I said, fine lets take a cab and get out of this place. We go to Thane (another nearby city about an hour away from Kalyan). You make your decision by then. If it is yes, we will take another cab to Pune otherwise you can go home from there. By the time we reached Thane, she had made her decision of going with me (and I am forever indebted to her for making that bold decision). We three started on our way to Pune. At around 10.30 pm we stopped and I called her home. I wanted her parents to know that she is safe. Her uncle picked up the phone. I told him that I tried my best to convince you all but you never budged. Vaishu was with me at this time and we are going to Pune. We got married last week. and if he wishes, I can send the marriage certificate and pictures next day to him by courier. Then I asked Vaishu to talk to them. She talked and cried and talked and again cried over the phone. But the choice was already made and there was no turning back.

After dropping Prithvi, by the time we reached home it was around midnight.

My parents were waiting anxiously. I asked Vaishu to stand outside the gate, went in and announced that there daughter-in-law is standing outside. And that I tried my best to convince you but you didn’t agree hence the only way for us was to get married last week and I showed them the marriage certificate.

That was it. My dad being from Army got very mad. Next 15 minutes I (Vaishu who was listening from outside) got a lot of shouting. Finally he kicked me out of the house and asked me to go and drop her home otherwise I can never enter the house. I took the scooter and came out. It was around 1 am in the morning. Having no where to go, I called Bhawalkar Sir from public phone and explained him the entire story and asked if we can come over. I dropped her there, came back home and slept. I told my parents where she was. They didn’t say a word.

Next day morning, I went and picked up Vaishu, showed her around Pune, did some sight seeing and finally dropped her at Bhawalkar Sir’s place in the evening and came back. Meanwhile, my parents were in deep discussion, and finally they decided let bygones be bygones. They told me that they will accept Vaishu as their daughter-in-law only on one condition that she (and I) will not keep or maintain any relation whatsoever with her folks. If that’s acceptable, then bring her home.

I knew, the need of the hour was they accepting her. I could later on work on getting the relations setup with Vaishu’s family …. As anyways I was sure Vaishu’s parents were not going to talk to us for next few years at least. I readily accepted the condition, briefed vaishu about this on her way back home. She was to say ‘yes’ to anything my parents demand.

Finally we both came home. They repeated to her what they had earlier told me. And Vaishu accepted all the conditions. She was even asked to call her parents right away and tell them to consider her dead as she will never keep any relations with them. This was very heart breaking for her. And I very truly appreciate her trusting me fully on this. It is this faith she had in me that helped me face challenges. I will love you Vaishu for all the psychological pressure you faced during those days.

Once all the conditions were accepted, my dad got busy calling all our relatives. And after few days we were happily married.

THAT WAS HOW WE GOT MARRIED THE 3^RD TIME.

No one from Vaishu’s family attended this marriage. My parents didn’t wanted that to happen anways. And my in-laws too would not have come. 1 week After the marriage we both came to US.

This was the start of phase II for us. We had to now work and get the relations straight with Vaishu’s parents. At the same time, I could not believe that we both had done it and finally got married. But this 3^rd marriage had its own side effect. My parents considered Bhawalkar Sir & Prithvi as the real culprits who brainwashed us into getting married. However hard I tried there was no way we could clear this illusion.

We tried calling Vaishu’s parents many times from US. The response from them was just as expected. They used to hang up and refused to talk. But slowly they started talking to Vaishu EXCEPT her dad. Since everyone was afraid of his reaction, they used to talk to Vaishu when he was not around.

This went on for about 2 whole years. Meanwhile, I wrote a few letters to Vaishu’s dad but obviously there was no reply. Slowly I started talking to her uncle, who had told the relatives and family friends that Vaishu was working in US after finishing her college. Hence he wanted us to come to India and get married again so that there would be no issues. They would setup the whole thing as getting her married (for the first time) for their relatives. And I was ok with it.

So after 2 yrs we both went to India and got married . This time my parents refused to come to the marriage as they failed to understand the reason for yet another marriage.

AND THIS IS HOW WE GOT MARRIED THE 4^TH AND FINAL TIME J

Vaishu’s dad took part in all the marriage rituals but we never spoke. The same night of marriage, I flew back to US and Vaishu remained there with them for about a month. During this time, her dad didn’t speak to her.

After coming back to US, Vaishu continued her efforts of talking to her dad and I wrote few more letters to him. But there was no response from him. 2 more yrs passed by .By this time all her family members had forgotten the past and were talking to both of us. Except her dad offcourse.

One day, while we were discussing this, Vaishu started crying and said the relations may never get better with her dad. Finally I decided enough is enough. I had been too patient for last so many years, but not anymore. I need to write him a special letter… a final word from me. And if that failed to make any difference, I was just going to cut my ties with her family for good.

That time we were in Detroit when I wrote that historical letter. A copy of that letter is attached to the end of this chapter. In order to ensure that he receives this letter, I sent copies of it to both his office addresses, his home, Vaishu’s uncle’s home (which is about a block from them), also faxed that letter to his office fax machine.

About 2 to 3 weeks later, when Vaishu was doing her routine call to home, her dad asked her if I was at home. Vaishu was shocked to hear that. Since I was at work that time, he asked her to call him whenever I’m at home on Sunday. I could not believe when I was given this news in the evening, and happy to know that at least the initial barrier is broken now. I knew he was going to give me shit over the phone, but at least he was willing to talk to me and that was all that mattered.

So the next Sunday, we called her home and he again asked for me. I came on the phone. The first sentence he said that he was sorry and that its his mistake. I immediately stopped him and said its our mistake too, and that we tried our best to get married without hurting anyone. Unfortunately, that could not happen. But lets forget the whole thing and not talk about this again.

That was it. After that we never spoke of anything in the past. And thus we started talking. After about a year, they all came and visited us here. This further strengthened the relation between us.

At this time (Sept 2004) when I write this story of our love, I & Vaishu had very good relations with my and her parents. There is just one glitch … my parents do not yet talk or keep any relations with Vaishu’s parents. Vaishu’s parents are open and like to bridge this gap, but I guess only the time that will heal this gap.

This year when my parents visited us (for the 2^nd time), my dad did hint indirectly of his intentions of establishing relations with my in-laws. We cross our fingers (and ask you to do the same) .

So this is the story of Vijay & Vaishu who lived happily thereafter . Hope you enjoyed this real life story.

Note: Did I tell you that I have saved all the emails that I wrote to Vaishu …. right from the first email sent to her (introducing myself) all the way to the last email that was sent until the first marriage, including all the emails I sent to flirt with her, about family tensions and planning etc including her replies to each one of too . I have printed all the emails and bound them in a 6 volume hard cover text book . Yes thats how many emails we sent to each other.

We hope to read them when we are 50 yrs old. Will be quite exciting to relive those days, isn’t it J

*attach the letter written to vaishu’s dad*